Vex & Troubled

Today i meet dear. However during this period i was suppose to feel very sweet and happy but somehow i do not have the feeling of being in honeymoon, i felt that there seem some distance between the 2 of us. We went raffles place, citylink and marina square for shopping.

I start questioning myself, how important am i to dear? I believe i need more assurance from dear. I understand that he is busy with work recently however i felt that no matter how busy he should also think of my feeling sometimes. I do not know what actually he is thinking. I felt that it seem like i am there waiting for him to find/meet me when he is able yet i am unable to get him to accompany me when i need him. As i do not wish him to feel that i am restricting him and not giving him freedom and being too sticky. Which i know i am not the kind of person that will do this kind of things. To me Freedom is important so i would never take away freedom from anyone.

Is my love life suppose to be going up and down everytime? I do not know why my fate is in this way.

Does dear know that our r/s is still unstable and need more time to be build up...? However his work and lifestyle does not permit him to have much time for our r/s. A r/s need 2 person to build up together. Does dear know?

To him he felt that if we are fate to be together we will be. But sometime not only fate is important. How you go into building up r/s plays an important part also. Sometime he made me feel unsure of his feeling towards me. Sometime this kind of feeling will make me think too much towards the bad situation as the coldness he gave me sometime is similar to those that Alex and Ken gave me on the day and the day before they intiated breakup.

At this moment i felt tired and vex. If i was to give in to him, i am scare it might end up like my last r/s being taken for granted. However i understand that if i wish to continue this r/s i had to bear with the giving in.

However i know there will be times when i wish him to accompany me yet he had to meet his friends. In this situation, he will eventually feel that i never give him freedom. But it wasn't the kind of person i am, it was only timing factor. If this really happen, i hope that he understand and would not feel that i am not allowing him to meet his friends.

All this happened before so i am sure it will happen again. Being taken for granted and being given the thought that i do not give freedom, all this happened to my 4 months and also my 4 years r/s.

Can things work out smoothly? Should i let him see my blog to understand what i thinking and let him understand me more?
I am a failure in building up a r/s...