Friday, August 31, 2007

生日密码

9月16日 极限挑战者

9月16日出生的人常常表现出一种不认输的个性,总是无时不赢得地策自己,不轻易向失败或极限低头。他们希望能够超越现状、突破自我,但在汲汲冲刺的同时,也有足够的耐心去磨练自己专业上的技巧,达到精通的地步,而不会让人得他们是自我主义者或激进的名利追求者。另一方面,9月16日出生的人总是会自然而然地流露出高昂的情绪,这也是他们强烈地想表现自我的动力,然而他们千万要留意,不要过度逾越应有规范,一旦有这种情形发生,必须立即停止,至少要尊重他人的意愿。

这一天出生的人对于站在最前线从不畏惧,他们拥有无比的勇气和坚定的信念,战火弥漫时最能冲锋陷阵。但是,由于他们在对抗强短篇时很少退缩,因此在团体中时常会与权威或主事者意见不合。不仅如此,他们还是天生的冒险家,但要小心,不要屈服于纯粹[为了刺激而寻求刺激]的诱惑,就某些方面来说,他们还是必须控制一下自己叛逆的个性。

想要约束9月16日出生的人的行事作风,简直是妄想,因为他们总是精力过人,难以自我控制。为人父母者若想管教出生于今天的小孩,或想阻止他们云做些什么事,不但成功机会不大,甚至还可能弄巧成拙。因此,有智慧的父母亲在教导9月16日出生的小孩时,应随着他们的天生动力,将精力引导到艺术创作方面。另外,当父母的也要很小心地区别出命令与建议、强迫与引导、指使与容许、教训与建议等态度上的分际。

充满热情活力是出生于这一天的人的特质,他们很明显地表现出爱好竞争的天性,然而内在的廉明的公正使他们不屑于采取交易的做法,或是摆出为了目的不择手段的态度。由于不善于与人合作,9月16日出生的人必须学着如何成为团队中的一员。通常经验都会告诉他们这么做的好处,随后他们才能真正发展出领导者的风范与气质。由于今天出生的人对于自己的学识非常有自信,也很热心地想传授给他人,或许会成为杰出的教师,可是,他们必须对学生多付出一些关怀,而且对学生的感觉要更敏锐一点。


被梦想与幻想牵着走,是某些9月16日出生的人的一个大问题;但大多数出生于这一天的人都能以具体的成果实现他们的愿望;因为他们有很强烈的欲望想将自己所做的事合理化,而且很希望自己的工作得到他人的尊重与赞赏。


幸运数字和守护星
9月16日出生的人会受数字7(1+6=7)和海王星的影响。海王星是个充满梦想与幻想的星球,而受数字7影响的人有时会陷入无法自拔的梦想中,常常与现实脱了节。由于他们倾向于漫天想像各种计划,所以如果能够严加训练,让他们了解自己计划的可行性,梦想实现的机率会更大。受数字7影响的人在理财上有时会不够谨慎,常将家庭的财务善弄得捉襟见肘,因此有个很好的会计或主家计的人,对9月16日出生的人来说是非常重要的。


健康
出生于9月16日的人必须非常小心防范意外的发生,尤其是运动伤害、车祸,以及爬山、游泳与飞行时的不幸事件。了解自己的极限是件非常重要的事。由于天生的宽宏大度,所以维持心理、情绪与精神上的协调,对于出生于今天的人来说特别重要。这种均衡也应该反映在日常三餐的调配上,不管是谷类、蔬菜、水果、肉类与乳制品的摄取都要有一定的比例。所有食物都该检验看看是否含有太多的肉类或糖分。出生于这一天的人拥有强烈的性欲,但最好是在不过于纵欲的情况下加以满足这种欲望。


建议
学着将自己旺盛的精力导向正确的方向。眼睛始终望着目标,并试着向不了解自己的人加以说明。不要脱离现实生活太久或太远,经常接触日常生活中较为平凡的一面。


静思语
恶龙,并不一定始终要被屠杀;有时候,它也能成为友善的朋友。

优点
志气高、勇敢、坦诚。

缺点
感官主义、叛逆、具毁灭性。

MP3

Songs can represent human feelings. In different situation there will be a songs that represent what you think or feel and it can be very meaningful. My MP3 seems to contain mostly songs which strongly represent my thoughts and feelings for the past few days.

Li Sheng Jie
- 手放开
- 你那么爱他
- 很想说

Jolin Cai Yi Lin
- 我知道你很难过


Ronald Cheng
- 被爱是幸福

Liang Jing Ru
- 如果有一天


Jay Chou
- 龙卷风

Joey Rong
- 挥着翅膀的女孩

Zhang Hui Mei
- 解脱

Searching for new songs that will be able to replace my current MP3 collection...

Single Life

时间过得真快. 一转眼我们7个好友里就只省下我与佩峙还在过着自己的生活.

Everyone is busy with their own life and our gathering has been lesser and lesser. We had to make arrangement one to two weeks earlier before we can gather as everyone was busy and unable to confirm the gathering. Come to think of it, it has been 4 months since we last gather during Peishi's Birthday.

Yuqin, Qiuye & Ling has to spend time with their husband. As for Jing'e & Shiyu they have to accompany boyfriends. As for Peishi, she has to go school every Monday, Wednesday & Friday.

As for me, it will be back to old days which was work and work. However at least i have another new place to spend my time now, that is my fitness centre. Occasional exercise alone or with colleague.

Friday was a day to chilli and relax however as Peishi has school hence we can only relax after her lesson. Therefore we planned to meet after her school and while waiting i shall spend my time in my fitness centre.

Saturday & Sunday is nothing much but just slack and relax either at home, going gym with friends to relax follow by a coffee chat or meet up with friends.

That's basically the life of a person who is single. Lead the leisure and carefree life...

"自由自在的人生"

Thursday, August 30, 2007

BAD DAY....

FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!!
FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!!
FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!! FEDUP!!

........................................................................................................................

A day full of shit!... Stupid customer stupid urgent case stupid powerlender stupid system..... Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........................................

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

*After Lunch*

Lunching in is a common thing happening to me. As i was eating, thoughts slowly flash through again. At this moment, i suddenly feel no appetite again.

Arms was having a bit of muscle pain. After a long stop, i went back to my gym again. For months i had been considering whether to join gym membership. Eventually i signed up for it in conjunction to the Lady's Card promotion.

Got to train back my stamina, my toned arms and trim away my small tummy.

Just talked to Sok Chin about my memberships. sian.. yesterday in a blur mind and never thought of bargaining for the price. Heard what Sok Chin say a bit sian.. wasted the chance to push the membership price down. However the price i had got was consider acceptable.

Anyway the time i have now is more than enough for me to go really enjoy myself and relax and get back my fitness. Beside basketball, swimming and badminton i don't think i had done other kind of sports. Gym and some fitness lesson shall me my new friend.

Gym follow by a steambath/sauna.

Wars Btw 2 Boss

Early in the morning, a war started. And the poor me had to be assigned to solve the cause of the war.. SWEAT!!!

MIA application again... Seem like the application had gone to the world which we are unable to see.. Yi Du Kong Jian!! We had been searching for days for the case yet till today it had not resurface. Complains & Complains is coming in.

Yesterday night Stanley just msn me and complain again as the customer is handle by him. God Bless Him!..

Today i was so unlucky that Daniel called me to go search the temp area and solve the MIA case... blur.. Where should i search? Thought that i can escape the responsibility of handling this stupid case yet i was pin pointed to solve it..

Hai~ What a day.. Thunder storm is roaming at Daniel's table and i had to go walk in rounds trying to see if it will appear before me.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

From Public to Celebrity

Writing blogs and sharing with all my friends is the happiest thing. I will be most happy to share the good things and happiness with my friends. I intended to create a blog which allows me to share it with friends and people around me.

But around me now is mostly disappointment, sadness, vex and sorrow. Which i am unable to share it to people around me especially to my people at my work place. Being with L is the biggest mistakes i had made althought he did brought me memories. He caused a big change to my life.

From a small fry to a topic which people will ask out of curiousity. Even to the extreme of calling my closest ex-colleague. Is she with L? It was like a dream. From a public person i become a celebrity overnight. This is understandable as L has been working in this place for years and was well known to everyone. I had also been here for years and was known from 18th to 25th floor. My private life somehow become a concern to people whom i do not know or was not close with.

一个介意人们眼光与想法的我需要时间来冲淡一切....

Time is needed for me to change back to a 小人物. When the time is right i shall start to share my thoughts and happiness with all my dear friends.

Dear Friends, Please wait patiently for the completely new and real 陈美璇....

28 Aug 2007 Virgo

Horoscope of the day.. This advice came too late

Relationship issues come to the forefront today -- you may have to get some space.

Relationship issues come to the forefront today, when you are reminded that you can't get along with everyone all the time. Sometimes, you need to keep your distance to keep a relationship strong. Communication with a special person may be strained or riddled with misunderstandings right now, so switch your attention to the friends and relatives who cheer you up and never expect more from you than you can give. Let the others work out the things they need to work out.

Monday, August 27, 2007

My Small Working Corner

A day pass finally. Today is only Monday. Still got 4 more working days to go. Work is as usual high as mountain and stress. Seeing the tons of works i start to feel tired of suppressing my emotion and feelings. However i had to control myself. But i was lucky as i had a small working corner all by myself.

A corner which no one will walk pass as and when. A corner which during my breakdown no one will be able to see. A corner that allows me to change my emotion and expression within seconds before anyone sees me in tears or sadness. A corner which belongs only to me and myself.

A corner full of my small toys and deco. A cosy corner all by myself.

Office is my 2nd home. The time i spent in office is longer than i spent at my own home for the last 2 and a half years. Colleague from another department will often say "Wow, this like your home hor?". Yes they are right as this is the only place that i spent the most time at beside my own house.

This small working corner is allocated by Daniel before our shifting to this new office one year ago. However before our shifting, he intended to reshuffle to rearrange our workdesk according to our seniority. However he knew i do not wish to change hence he did not make any changes. Thanks god.

A wonderful and cosy small working corner which i spend the most time during my up and downs.
A wonderful and cosy small working corner which i spend during my joy and sorrow time.

Fate & Destiny..

I do not deny that i do not wish to admit to failure. However I had once again lose to destiny and fate.

I believe that we can try fight against destiny and fate if both is willing to. But if one party does not wish to fight against it no matter how determined the other party wish to try. It is still impossible. 一个巴掌拍不响.. But maybe there wasn't any chance to win fate and destiny.

Life just have to goes on. No one knows in the end how the road will be but i wish down the road will be a better and brighter future.

Words of advice: If you still have the love feeling do not give up till the very end, even a single bit of love can turn out to be a everlasting and sweetest love in the whole world. Let the person know your feeling even if it is just a bit as no one knows whats going to happen the next minute or second.

Freedom? Restriction?

Did i take away freedom? Did i restrict?

I can only say time was needed for one person to understand another clearly. I cannot deny I had make a terrible and wrong decision from the start. Maybe this is the fate between us. Wrong timing.

Few years back, i received a sms asking me to give him some time. When i saw the msg, i was happy. However it took 6 years for me to realise the msg was not just a msg with no meaning. However when the time eventually come, it came at a wrong time.

The sky was board and carefree. It was a sky that everyone wish to have, especially for a caged bird like me. For years i had seem to be a bird without wings. Finally i got back my wings but was injured and lost my way. So i know how important freedom was and no restriction should be in my dictionary.

My closest sisters who knows me well is the only person whom understand me. They knew how much i hate and against restricton and no freedom.

Misunderstanding is the only explaination if anyone feels there is no freedom.

However i wish to say a word "Thank you" for showing me the direction to search for the green light in the board sky.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sunday

Baking has been one of the thing i enjoyed doing. After so many years of baking, the cake that i had baked this time is the most succeeded one. If he was able to try it, i believe it would be the most happiest thing for me. For this lonely sunday, i did my baking however what should i do for my next weekend.

4 years ago, i chosed to enter a relationship with someone whom love me more than i do after what happen to Ken & me. Only after 4 years than i discover it wasn't what i wanted. Eventually i ended it.

As time pass i thought i had found the real love but it leads to disappointment and sadness.

At this moment my heart is in pain and eyes turn watery. My mind was confuse and tired. Everything seems like a dream seem like a routine.

Tears dropped again... Since i was knowledgeable, i had to think differently from girls of my age and do things which my age shouldn't be doing... I had to overcome all heartpain and sadness on my own.

Was my life destined to be like this? Could i succeed in fighting against fate & destiny?

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Dinner..晚餐..

Went East Coast with Simon for dinner. A newly renovated Hong Kong Restaurant "师奶茶餐廰". The food was nice and delicious.

We chatted about a lot of things, mostly about our work. Complains & complains... endless complains...

After dinner we went home. Finally after 1 months plus i gave him his birthday treat. For years i think i owe him not only 1 birthday treats.. :P

Times fly and we had known each other for 10 years. Yet our meetup is countable, not more than 3 times per year however it was rare that all this 10 years we never stop contact. And i believe he is the one and only secondary school senior that i had been keeping contact with.

My so call God-Brother.. Hope he find my "大嫂" soon. All the best to him!

思念

又是一个周末. 回想起来我以浪费了大半生的周末. 今早一睁开眼睛仿佛出现在我脑海里竟然是"思念".

...........回忆渐渐的出现在我脑海里. 我究竟在怀念真正的他还是在怀念记忆中的他....

今天的我仍然没什么胃口. 突然间脑海里竟然一片空白......

现在的他究竟在做些什么, 在那里...

Horoscope 25th Aug 2007

Viewing horoscope reading each day has become one of my entertainment. How true will it be?

~~Your routine is about to be shaken up quite a bit -- and not a moment too soon!
Your daily routine is about to be shaken up quite a bit -- and not a moment too soon! Several surprises are headed your way (both good and bad), and you can kiss boredom goodbye! A person you don't like very much is finally leaving your life for good, and if you get invited to the bon voyage party, the stars say you should go. Leaving any bad blood between you two is not good. Agree to disagree and wish them well in their future. It's the right thing to do.~~


Will i really kiss goodbye to boredom?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Thoughts***

Finally removed my stitches. However i still had to go back for review again one month later. Although i am able to eat anything already but my appetite was not as good as before.

After a wk of MC, all my colleague said i slimmed down. This is one of the reason why i go for the operation. Slim down! Everyday eating only a bit of food for 1 wk.

Another lonely friday again. However lucky i got the company of Weiling if not i will be doing OT again. Knew weiling through Virus and never thought that i and her will be so gam. However what should i do tomorrow? I think tomorrow i shall be staying @ home doing some bakery in the noon and meeting Simon for dinner in the evening.

After having our lunch today, we went CD Drama. The usual hangout after lunch for a visit. As they are all looking and discussing about the new CD i start to think of what actually i do on weekends for the past few years. Suddenly i feel that my weekends seem empty.

When i was with Xiuquan, my weekend will surely be accompany him as he book out of camp. However since June, my weekend is for my friends. July weekends is spent on the story between me & L. This month weekend?

In a sudden i feel that i had never really spend the weekend for myself before and i do not know what actually i want to do or lead for my weekends.

What is weekend suppose to be like?

Coffee Club

Finished work of the day. I meet Peishi for a coffee and chat. We both bought the same heels from Charles & Keith follow by a visit to Kinokuniya. Intended to get a book to keep myself occupied however there was no interested choice.

After that we went to our usual coffee hangout 24hr Coffee Club @ somerset. A cup of Ice Mocha lasted our chat for one hour. We chatted a lot of things. From love life to career to colleague.

Career is my ultimate focus currently. From the day i start work, i strike to climb up one step by one step. Setting my aim one step @ a time is the procedure of my career life. Eventually i managed to achieve 2 aim this year. Promotion followed by my expected salary.

Getting to this aim, how hard i had worked and the time i had put into it is visible to people close to me. Working for almost more than 12 hours a day for more than 2 years, even meeting up with my friends is difficult. Thanks friends for being understanding. Whenever gathering, i was the problem one as i was always occupied by work and forever unable to confirm the appointment. I could only confirm the gathering at the very last minutes. Upon reaching my aim, i started to slack. Maybe it was tiredness that make me realise that i should not only focus on work but bring more life to myself.

Since i had reach this 2 aim, i started planning for another which was a higher pay. However i also hope to be able to go into the line i am interested in.

From the start, i intended to go into hotel industry as a Guest Relation Officer however i never did. Eventually i entered Banking industry. Being in bank industry, i would wish to enter investment sector to learn more new things. From now on i would seek for either my higher pay expectation or investment sector job.

We chatted about the things that happened around our working environment currently. Office politics is one of the reason that give me the urge to change job. However having a good boss is difficult. I believe i won't be able to find a boss as good as current one. Daniel is the one that taught me a lot of things and he is the one that had given me the chance at the start. However as time pass, colleague around me change one by one. My closest colleague Charmayne & Maureen left. Surrounding around me now is colleague that belong to different world as me.

Colleagues normally would go out for a chilli and fun after a tired working day however there is nothing of this happening around me. My working environment is work and only work. Beside that there is nothing else. Boring...

Competitive working environment. Everyone strike to climb up.

Will i be able to achieve my new aim soon?

May God Bless me with happiness and a better tomorrow.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Tears Dropped

After lunch, I went to see his blog. This was the 1st time i read it so throughly. I discover how much he love his ex-girlfriend. At this very moment tears dropped from my cheek down. Was his love for me that strong?

He mentioned how happy he was to receive his girlfriend msg however when he receive mine i starting thinking. Was he that happy? He knew how sweet it would be to receive a "I love you" msg from loved one. Yet he didn't realise he never done so before to me.

He wished his girlfriend to place him in 1st position, show him concern and sms him sweet stuff. I can boldly say i did not fail. My concern for him is visible to him and all my friends knew i placed my boyfriend in the 1st position.

He hope his girlfriend to care about his feeling, so he should know the feeling that one person wish to have from his/her beloved one. However he neglected it himself.

After reading his blog i realise one thing. Both of us had started unprepared and was not ready. He has been building a wall from the start just like me to prevent getting hurt. I believe both of us are the victim of the word "LOVE".

Past experience had made us live in fear and this is something that caused the failure in our relationship. 2 persons together means we had to walk into each other life but we both fail to do so. Time is one factor another is we are both not ready.

If there was chance to turn the clock back i would chose not to enter the relationship on 6th Aug. However if there was another chance to start all over again i will treasure it and hold on tight without hesitation.

What happening to my world?

Another day had pass. But time seem still moving at very slow pace. Somehow this blog had become a place for me to deposit all my good and bad feelings and thoughts. People normally speak to friends about their 心事 but i am telling it all to a site which will only quietly listen and not response.

This morning train was very pack. I was standing by the door listening to my MP3 when suddenly i feel that i was having difficulty breathing not because of the packness but because of tiredness. 我感觉似乎快窒息了.

Working in a company with many department is stressful. It was even more stressful when you had to face the gossip and topic that is spreading around about you. Althought i do not know what was spreaded around however i knew if there really was it won't be anything good. From 18th to 25th floor, there tend to be at least 2 or more people who had asked and curious about it. Althought it had pass, the topic and curiousity will still be around. Especially if you have contact with people at every floor.

I never expected that i will had this kind of experience whereby i had to overcome one story per month. The road down my life is still long and far, how many of this would i had to come across before i can reach my destination? I hope no more.

Numbness is coming back to me again. Tiredness and Headache.

Yesterday chatted with Melvin in MSN. He asked me to go Perth visit him probably end of Nov as he moving to a house. Over there i could stay at his house. However ting was unable to go with me as she had to cope with her studies. End of Nov was so far away. Right now i wish i could go over there for a long holiday and come back with a fresh new start.

The day is still long. Got to get back to my table and finish up the full load of applications. Lucky i escaped from the UAT this round if not i believe i will really crash.

希望明天会更好.....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

-----------------

Work was back to usual however i took PLA today only. But the volume was sian...

Not in the mood to do my thing. Tired.... Speechless....yet a lot of thoughts in my mind. Why didn't i made that decision, why didn't i voice out my thoughts? Regret? I believe i am...

Feel like hiding in my room again. The thing i would do whenever i was at home or feeling troubled. However i do not know how to face my family. I never let my feeling out to them. Infront of them i had to be as if nothing happened and take everything easy. Maybe staying back to OT will be the only escape for me again.

A lot of things flashed in my mind again. Everything seem like a dream. May, June, July, Aug..... A story each month... A dramatic year for me... No wonder it was said that this was not a good year for Pig.. It was TRUE...

..............

Back to work again after 1 week of MC. I did not sleep the whole night.

Eventually i got the answer i had expected... I do not know what i can say now. I did not really cry but i know my heart is not feeling well. Fate? 6 years? It is ke xi to let go a r/s that come after 6 years and is a very rare chance and not many ppl will get to have this chance. But right now maybe this is the only and best solution.

My mind is in blank again. Probably work is what i will focus on right now. It is time i start seeking my new job again.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

What He Thinking..?

This morning wakeup i discover that today is my last day of MC and not tomorrow. Almost made a big mistake. In my impression, i thought last day of MC was to go back remove stitches however when i reach the person told me the appointment is friday not today. Blur!!

As i decided to wait for Baby off work and meet him for dinner before he go gym for training. Hence i went back to office to clear my tray in case tomorrow i fainted. When i reach office they are having a briefing, just in time to join in. Lucky my letter and tray was not too scary. Better than those pending i had done before i go on my MC.

Baby reply my msg to say he going gym tonight. I than reply he still got to eat and asked his gym time however he never reply. Time pass and is was after 5.30pm i msg him to call me. But he never. After clearing my thing i went orchard, i msg Baby to let him know i am at orchard. However there was no response from him. I suppose he was busy hence just waited.

I went Far East and saw Ken there again. We had a short chat. After that i went shop around. Around 7plus i decided to go Isetan Scotts to get my beauty product. After getting my thing i decided to call Baby however he still never answer.

I went home after that in disappointment. Can't he just give me a msg or what. Who am i to him? Is a reply so difficult? I was in anger and disappointment.

Till now he had not contact me. Where is he and what is he doing, i do not know..

To me boyfriend there is 1 and only 1 so i was prepared to put my boyfriend before anything. Does he understand? Since i had chosed this r/s i would put my heart in to build it up and do what i should do.

As a sensitive creature, I feel there is something baby is hiding from me. 1 week ago he would call me during lunch time and before going gym however this few days he never.

Whole of today i had not heard his voice. Last time with Simon, our r/s is till the stage that i had to ask him if we are together or not. I really don't wish to have to do this again.

Feeling uncomfortable and vex...I wish to talk to him about my feeling yet i know he is busy this few days and do not wish to add on to his trouble. Yet i feel that i am going crash soon. What can i do?

Monday, August 20, 2007

What Should I Do?

Today i kept looking at my mobile every few minutes, hoping that baby will call or msg me. I knew today baby will be very busy as his 2 colleagues is on leave. Hence i dare not sms him or call him.

Till lunch time, i decided to give him a call. However he is busy hence never answer my call. When he return my call he sound busy. I just asked him if he had eaten lunch and hang up the phone to let him carry on with his work.

As time pass by when i look at the time it was 6 plus already. Yet till than baby did not contact or sms me. I was a bit disappointed yet i told myself he should be still busy so never contact me.

After dinner i decided to sms him. His reply was straight and never ask about me. I was sad.

He went gym after meeting client and till now he had not contact me. Does he still have me this girlfriend? Am i being taken for granted?

Does he know i miss him? How can i let him know my feeling? I was not feeling good right now...
If i never msg him i suppose he wouldn't had sms me. Was a few msg a day so difficult?

I can only feel my heart crying right now. Disappointed? I suppose i am..

I do not request much, i just wish that he give me some attention and some concern. Is this too much?

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Vex & Troubled

Today i meet dear. However during this period i was suppose to feel very sweet and happy but somehow i do not have the feeling of being in honeymoon, i felt that there seem some distance between the 2 of us. We went raffles place, citylink and marina square for shopping.

I start questioning myself, how important am i to dear? I believe i need more assurance from dear. I understand that he is busy with work recently however i felt that no matter how busy he should also think of my feeling sometimes. I do not know what actually he is thinking. I felt that it seem like i am there waiting for him to find/meet me when he is able yet i am unable to get him to accompany me when i need him. As i do not wish him to feel that i am restricting him and not giving him freedom and being too sticky. Which i know i am not the kind of person that will do this kind of things. To me Freedom is important so i would never take away freedom from anyone.

Is my love life suppose to be going up and down everytime? I do not know why my fate is in this way.

Does dear know that our r/s is still unstable and need more time to be build up...? However his work and lifestyle does not permit him to have much time for our r/s. A r/s need 2 person to build up together. Does dear know?

To him he felt that if we are fate to be together we will be. But sometime not only fate is important. How you go into building up r/s plays an important part also. Sometime he made me feel unsure of his feeling towards me. Sometime this kind of feeling will make me think too much towards the bad situation as the coldness he gave me sometime is similar to those that Alex and Ken gave me on the day and the day before they intiated breakup.

At this moment i felt tired and vex. If i was to give in to him, i am scare it might end up like my last r/s being taken for granted. However i understand that if i wish to continue this r/s i had to bear with the giving in.

However i know there will be times when i wish him to accompany me yet he had to meet his friends. In this situation, he will eventually feel that i never give him freedom. But it wasn't the kind of person i am, it was only timing factor. If this really happen, i hope that he understand and would not feel that i am not allowing him to meet his friends.

All this happened before so i am sure it will happen again. Being taken for granted and being given the thought that i do not give freedom, all this happened to my 4 months and also my 4 years r/s.

Can things work out smoothly? Should i let him see my blog to understand what i thinking and let him understand me more?
I am a failure in building up a r/s...

Disappointment?

Dear was suppose to meet me on saturday. However due to work he had to go back to handle the event at last minute. I was a bit disappointed however as it was work i had to accept and understand. He told me he could only meet me in the noon so i said ok. However i was there waiting aimlessly.

Unknowing what time he will be free and done to meet me. I decided to go orchard with Peishi. We meet at 3.30pm and went shopping. Time flys so fast when we took a look @ the watch it was 8pm. Baby still did not contact me. This morning i overheard Baby and his mother conversation as his phone accidently dialed my mobile. I knew Baby was unhappy i kept call him when he is unreachable.

However i feel if he was to let me know what he doing i would not had called him so many time when he is unreachable. I was worried he was late for work hence dialed his mobile a few time continuously. There was another time was i do not know what happen to him as he suddenly MIA when msn with me after office hours, if he had msn me he go meeting i would not had been worried.

Sometime i am thinking how much space in his heart he has for me. Due to his work i had to be more understanding. I am trying my best however if he could at least give me a sms to let me know if he miss me, that will be better.

Hai~... Life!

9pm already Baby still never contact me.. i feel dishearted... but was thinking he should be still busy with work.. so i just send him a sms.. Around 10pm he called me and said he reached home.

At that moment i was disappointed as i was thinking he will call me once he finish his assignment. However when he call me he was already home. However i had expected that we would not meet today as he is at IMM, which was quite far. But somehow i just feel disappointed. We than had a short chat about his day and he said he will meet me today (sunday) after 2pm as he is coming punggol also.

He will be going gym in the morning and than go temple with his mother. After that he will come find me. He than say however he can accompany me till 7 like this only as he need to go toa payoh pack up. Than he mentioned if not i go with him, i agreed. So we decided to go out than go toa payoh pack up after that.

I pray that Sunday 19th August and the daysss after that will be a bright and greater and happier day for us...

Friday, August 17, 2007

**Another Lonely Day**

17th Aug, 3rd day i am on MC. My face was swollen and there was still slight bleeding. Till today i was still unable to eat much. Tired of swallowing porridge!

Today dear was meeting danick and his gang for dinner and drink hence was not able to come visit and accompany me. Yesterday he went gym and drink coffee with his friends. I was indeed a bit disappointed however i do not wish to stop him from meeting his friends.

I tend to think too much and towards bad thing/situation. How can i make myself more confident?

Tomorrow dear had to go back office in the morning. Hope my face will not be swollen by tomorrow so that i would be able to meet him after work.

Was dear thinking/missing me right now? Somehow i just feel that i am unable to read what dear is thinking. Is all scorpio so mysterious? I would normally be able to read a person mind but this time i lose to him. I am unable to read his mind....

Somehow i feel that the previous failure had cause a shadow which make me worry. I am worry if my new r/s would last longer than previous one. I am afraid/unable to think of what will happen to me if i was to face another failure. But i will try my best to make this r/s last forever and ever....

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Operation .. Pain Pain

16th Aug, Yesterday 5pm i faced the 1st operation in my life. I had my 3 wisdom tooth removed. 2 was removed by surgery and 1 was by normal extraction. Baby and my mother accompanied me for the surgery. I chosed the semi concussion method of operation. However after lying down in less than 15 min i fall asleep unknowingly. 1 and a half hours later i wakeup. Infront of me stands my baby and mother. I was blur at that moment and discover the operation has finished. Baby than told me that they was there 20 minutes already, they called me but was unable to wake me up. I was relief and seeing baby i feel more relief. :) My lips was numb and i was still feeling blur.

My aunt than fetched us and drove us home. Upon reaching home, i changed my gauze and rested a while. I was told to consume some food before taking medicine. I than had a bit of porridge and Baby feed me my medicine. :)

Yesterday night Baby stayed over to accompany me. This morning he went to work from my house. :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

...Headache!!!...

14th Aug, Yesterday night when surfing my friendster i saw a girl by the name of Sharon viewed my profile. She was one of baby's staff. After i told him she viewed my profile, his reaction and speech tone changed. He than told me he got to find and make plan for his coming up project. I was blur intially. Than he slowly explained to me. To my surprise, i discover that he really attract a lot of bees and because of work needs he has to be quite close to them. He than let me know he might hand over that particular project to his colleague. I was stunned. Was changing of his status in friendster a wrong? I don't know but one thing is at least it let me know what really is happening around baby's work.

He told me one of her friend was somehow one of the bee therefore there might be some problem for his upcoming project. At that moment i was not sure what i am thinking. Am i thinking our r/s affected his work or is all this going to affect our r/s? I am unsure of what i was thinking. I am NOT inconfident with Baby, i am inconfident with my own destiny and fate. And i am worry all this will affect our r/s going farther.

However because of all this i discover that Baby is putting his heart to let me know his feeling. He even said if any problem he can just get a internal transfer to other sector. However i feel if he like the environment and work i don't wish him to because of me or what and change his interest.

This morning, he is suppose to start work late. However as he need to talk to his boss about the matter, he went to work early. He called me after his talk with his boss and he sound stress and vex. Hearing his voice like this make my heart feel pain.

Why can't all this girls differentiate between work and private life?

Things that happen this few months is really extraordinary to me. I really envy Ling & Qiuye, able to have a smooth and peaceful life without much worries and be 小女人..

Saturday, August 11, 2007

..1st Visit...

11 Aug, today was my first visit to Baby's house. Nervous? I also don't know.. hehe.. Lucky when we reach his house only his grandma was around. :P


We spend the afternoon at his house singing ktv and watching show. Subsequently his mother and relative came back. I am back to my usual pattern when meeting new faces.. :P be a quiet girl..






I discovered that baby was really a lazy and mischevious boy... disturbing his mum as and when...and slacking always.. guys are always slacker... :P


His mother was also a fun and interesting and friendly person. Baby must had inherited his mother's style.

Friday, August 10, 2007

2007 National Day...


9th Aug, Today was a happy and enjoyable day for me. Went to watch Rush Hour 3 with Baby at The Cathay. This was the 1st movie we watch together since we knew each other, 6 years... After the show, we went to watch National Day fireworks. Today is also our 1st dating on a non working day.

Baby was nice to me and gave me the feeling of being loved and treasured. He gave me the secured feeling that Xiuquan never gave me. However he still does not know me real well and there is still a lot for him to know about me. I also need to understand him more.
However i am belief that he tried to let me know and understand him as his work need to be in lialise with female hence he does not wish me to misunderstand.
We had a chat and stroll after our dinner at my house nearby. I found that he is those home base person however i am not. As he is a person whom run around during work therefore he prefer to stay at home. As he knew i am always stuck in office hence he knew why i like to go out and not stay at home. I believe there is still a lot i need to know about him and accomodate him instead of him accomodating me completely.

Will he be the person who will be with me for the rest of my life?

**National Day Eve**

Eve of National Day, Virus booked a table at Double O. At 1st we was unsure if there will be a lot of people joining the fun but to my surprise it turn out to be more than 15 people partying together. Intially i feel bore however after 1pm the feeling was better and ended up we party till it close which was 4 than we went geylang for supper.




Wednesday, August 8, 2007

A New Start

Yesterday 6th Aug marks a brand new start for me... I met up with Weiliang after almost 4 years since last met.

We went boatquay Sizzling Rock for dinner and went a ktv pub for a drink. Somehow unknowingly we started. We met each other 6 years ago and was on very very close terms. However due to some factor, we never start. To my surprise, we eventually start only 6 years later, after 4 years since we last saw each years. For the past few days my feeling/heart was numb and weak. After the sudden blow and disappointment, I start to be more and more unconfident with myself. Somehow i dare not put my heart into this new relationship. I am not confident towards this new start. Maybe because i was really scared.



** Taking one step at a time and take it easy is the only advice i can give myself**

Friday, August 3, 2007

Numb....

2nd Aug, I felt much better than yesterday and was able to concentrate with my work better. Somehow some of the moments with him seem hiding away already. Had i put down? I can yes but not completely. I believe i need more times. Although time with him is very short however it has somehow occupy a very deep position and memory space.

I think of no one nowsaday but only memories and myself. I find it difficult to put anyone in my heart. I feel numb, no feeling ...

My Heart Is In Pain

1st Aug, I discover that he and his ex is in the midst of patching. Although he tried his best to assure me of his feeling during the times we were together but he is now going back to his ex. I feel a deep knife stab into my heart. I am very curious if he is cheating me or not. But what he had done to me this 18 days could not let me put him in the position of cheating me.

I felt as if i had lost my way. I do not know what to do and was completely lost the whole morning. When i was trying to accept the fate that if they are back it is normal. Feeling better and had my lunch. However on the way back to office after lunch. I saw his ex and a few friends waiting for him for lunch. As i walk towards them she saw me and i saw her, we took a look at each other. As i was walking to the lift, he pass by and walk towards them looking at their direction. I do not know if he saw me but i just walk off like nothing. My heart was in pain again. I went to hide in the toilet feel like crying however tears seem not to be dropping. Has my tears dry up for him? I also do not know. What i know is, MY HEART IS IN PAIN....