Monday, April 4, 2011
SPEECHLESS
.... In less than 2 mths.. it will be a special day for me.. however i had become speechless... The worse thing is happening around me yet i am speechless ... i do not know what will happen.. i just hope as my wedding come nearer and nearer.. our the unlucky and negative thing in my life is disappearing and floating away asap... Everything seems like a dream to me... Sometime i am thinking is this a permanent dream.. a never ending nightmare?... i feel that i am really speechless ... looking forward to 22nd May 2011... yet not in a completely immersed in love and joy mood.. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME... I ONLY HOPE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND "SHE" IS SAFE BESIDE ME.. **TO ALL THE HEAVEN GOD AND BUDDHA .. PLS LET HER BE BESIDE ME FOREVER AND SAFE.. **
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
FRUSTRATION... PISS OFF..
It has been so long since I pen down my unhappiness and sorrow…
It has been 2 years 9 months since I joined my current job.
Moving from one familiar working environment to a completely different environment really needs a lot of courage. Plucked up my courage and moved to a new environment hoping to receive better job exposures and opportunity.
Everything is really not what I had expected and hope for. Being advised to voice out my views and wants but was known to everyone around me, it was useless.
When you had a unit manager whom always twist and turn her words, feel that everyone is not capable and only people whom she hired/chosen is the best. Is the most irritated and most frustrated issue.
Today Joanne had her last appraisal with supervisor and unit manager. The whole appraisal seems to be a pouring section to her. She voiced almost everything quite directly with no hesitation. Frustration came all out.
After listening to her appraisal section commotion, I feel so sian. I knew that to my supervisor and unit manager, they feel I am not performing what they expected. But to me I feel I am already doing my best and I dare to say my performance doesn’t lose to anyone in terms of overall performance.
However when your boss like you means like you when she does not have good impression on you whatever you do is just minor to them. To me is having a supervisor and unit manager whom only see the appearance and not knowing what actually is happening is a damn irritated thing.
What should I say during my upcoming appraisal and what should I do next.
Although I had started sourcing for other job opportunity elsewhere, I believe I need courage to move on again…
Right now I can only feel stress, unfairness, frustration and irritation in my current workplace..
Being the community welfare officer for my whole department / organization had to make sure everyone is being well taken care of. But I myself is not being taken care of..
Sad
Sian
Bored
Stress
Frustrated
Irritated
Unfairness
Piss off……
It has been 2 years 9 months since I joined my current job.
Moving from one familiar working environment to a completely different environment really needs a lot of courage. Plucked up my courage and moved to a new environment hoping to receive better job exposures and opportunity.
Everything is really not what I had expected and hope for. Being advised to voice out my views and wants but was known to everyone around me, it was useless.
When you had a unit manager whom always twist and turn her words, feel that everyone is not capable and only people whom she hired/chosen is the best. Is the most irritated and most frustrated issue.
Today Joanne had her last appraisal with supervisor and unit manager. The whole appraisal seems to be a pouring section to her. She voiced almost everything quite directly with no hesitation. Frustration came all out.
After listening to her appraisal section commotion, I feel so sian. I knew that to my supervisor and unit manager, they feel I am not performing what they expected. But to me I feel I am already doing my best and I dare to say my performance doesn’t lose to anyone in terms of overall performance.
However when your boss like you means like you when she does not have good impression on you whatever you do is just minor to them. To me is having a supervisor and unit manager whom only see the appearance and not knowing what actually is happening is a damn irritated thing.
What should I say during my upcoming appraisal and what should I do next.
Although I had started sourcing for other job opportunity elsewhere, I believe I need courage to move on again…
Right now I can only feel stress, unfairness, frustration and irritation in my current workplace..
Being the community welfare officer for my whole department / organization had to make sure everyone is being well taken care of. But I myself is not being taken care of..
Sad
Sian
Bored
Stress
Frustrated
Irritated
Unfairness
Piss off……
Saturday, January 16, 2010
MOVING OUT
..it has been less than 2 weeks since Dear move back with his father.. and now he is informing me that he will be moving back with me..
i am happy he will be moving back with me.. however i am sad ... i wish that during our marriage it will be a grand and wonderful one with all parents feeling proud and happy..
But i suppose it will not happen.. he had somehow quarrel quite severly with his father to the point of disown.. hai~~..his father was there unwanting to work and waiting for money to drop from the sky..
With my full load of debt .. i am unable to afford to rent a unit together with him to start our life.. this made me most sad...
seems like we are both without a cover above us.. A couple waiting for our flat in the meanwhile having no place to stay.. Although i am staying with my bro-in-law and parents. Somehow this flat is going to be sold soon and yet to buy a new unit..
How i wish i could strike toto and everything will be settled.. clear all my debts, mum's debt, sis and bro-in-law's debt.. and get a unit big enough for all to stay 2gether..
i am happy he will be moving back with me.. however i am sad ... i wish that during our marriage it will be a grand and wonderful one with all parents feeling proud and happy..
But i suppose it will not happen.. he had somehow quarrel quite severly with his father to the point of disown.. hai~~..his father was there unwanting to work and waiting for money to drop from the sky..
With my full load of debt .. i am unable to afford to rent a unit together with him to start our life.. this made me most sad...
seems like we are both without a cover above us.. A couple waiting for our flat in the meanwhile having no place to stay.. Although i am staying with my bro-in-law and parents. Somehow this flat is going to be sold soon and yet to buy a new unit..
How i wish i could strike toto and everything will be settled.. clear all my debts, mum's debt, sis and bro-in-law's debt.. and get a unit big enough for all to stay 2gether..
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
I FEEL THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY IS RELYING ON ME... AS THE YOUNGEST I AM NOT ABLE TO THE LEAST WORRIED OR MOST FORTUNATE ONE..
I HAD TO BEAR EVERYTHING EVERY PROBLEM... BUT NO ONE UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL.. HOW SCARE AND FEAR I AM... AS AND WHEN I WILL BE HIDING ALONE SOBING AND TEARING...
IS THIS RETRIBUTION? WHAT HAD I DONE WRONG..
WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT OUT...
THINGS IS BAD FOR ME THIS FEW YEARS ESPECIALLY.. SOMETIME I HOPE TIME CAN TURN BACK AND LET ME BE WHAT I AM DURING SECONDARY SCHOOL TIMES....
I MISS THOSE DAYS...
HAVING A GOOD BUT UNORDINARY FATHER.
A SCARIFICING YET BURDEN OR RATHER UNFORTUNATE MOTHER
A SISTER WHO IS NOT CONSIDERATE AND KNOWLEDGEABLE
ANOTHER SISTER WHO DO NOT KNOW HOW HANDLE DAILY LIFE AND FUTURE LIFE
WHO ELSE CAN I RELY ON IN MY FAMILY.... ??
WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO???
WHO CAN SAVE/HELP ME??
I HAD TO BEAR EVERYTHING EVERY PROBLEM... BUT NO ONE UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL.. HOW SCARE AND FEAR I AM... AS AND WHEN I WILL BE HIDING ALONE SOBING AND TEARING...
IS THIS RETRIBUTION? WHAT HAD I DONE WRONG..
WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT OUT...
THINGS IS BAD FOR ME THIS FEW YEARS ESPECIALLY.. SOMETIME I HOPE TIME CAN TURN BACK AND LET ME BE WHAT I AM DURING SECONDARY SCHOOL TIMES....
I MISS THOSE DAYS...
HAVING A GOOD BUT UNORDINARY FATHER.
A SCARIFICING YET BURDEN OR RATHER UNFORTUNATE MOTHER
A SISTER WHO IS NOT CONSIDERATE AND KNOWLEDGEABLE
ANOTHER SISTER WHO DO NOT KNOW HOW HANDLE DAILY LIFE AND FUTURE LIFE
WHO ELSE CAN I RELY ON IN MY FAMILY.... ??
WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO???
WHO CAN SAVE/HELP ME??
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Stress
I AM REALLY FEELING STRESS... I AM SCARE AND VERY SCARE...
WHO CAN GIVE ME $50K TO PAY THE OUTSIDE DEBT AND SLOWLY REPAY GRADITUTE DEBTS?
HEARING FROM AUNTIE SAY ABOUT ALL THE MONEY MUM BORROWED. I AM FEELING VERY SCARE AND STRESS.. I AM SHIVERING IN FEAR WITH TEARS IN MY EYES ...
WHEN CAN I EVER STRIKE TOTO OR BIG SWEEP LIKE THOSE LUCKY ONE AND CLEAR MY FAMILY DEBT
I REALLY DUNNOE HOW TO GO ON FACING THE FEAR ALONE.. STAYING WITH DEAR AND HAVING TO HIDE MY EMOTION IS REALLY MAKING ME TEDIOUS..
I FEEL TERRIBLE.. SOMETIME I WONDER WHY I AM UNABLE TO BE LIKE THOSE FORTUANTE AND WEALTHY FAMILY KIDS.. LIVE IN NO WORRIES AND FEAR.. YET I HAD TO ENDURE A UNUSUAL FAMILY WITH LOTS OF DEBTS..
BUT TO THE EYES OF MOST PEOPLE, I AM JUST LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL LIVING IN PEACFUL AND NORMAL LIFES.. BUT THE TRUTH IS NO..
I LIVE IN FEAR AND STRESS AND WORRIES...
WHO CAN GIVE ME $50K TO PAY THE OUTSIDE DEBT AND SLOWLY REPAY GRADITUTE DEBTS?
HEARING FROM AUNTIE SAY ABOUT ALL THE MONEY MUM BORROWED. I AM FEELING VERY SCARE AND STRESS.. I AM SHIVERING IN FEAR WITH TEARS IN MY EYES ...
WHEN CAN I EVER STRIKE TOTO OR BIG SWEEP LIKE THOSE LUCKY ONE AND CLEAR MY FAMILY DEBT
I REALLY DUNNOE HOW TO GO ON FACING THE FEAR ALONE.. STAYING WITH DEAR AND HAVING TO HIDE MY EMOTION IS REALLY MAKING ME TEDIOUS..
I FEEL TERRIBLE.. SOMETIME I WONDER WHY I AM UNABLE TO BE LIKE THOSE FORTUANTE AND WEALTHY FAMILY KIDS.. LIVE IN NO WORRIES AND FEAR.. YET I HAD TO ENDURE A UNUSUAL FAMILY WITH LOTS OF DEBTS..
BUT TO THE EYES OF MOST PEOPLE, I AM JUST LIKE ANY OTHER GIRL LIVING IN PEACFUL AND NORMAL LIFES.. BUT THE TRUTH IS NO..
I LIVE IN FEAR AND STRESS AND WORRIES...
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Waiting for the Sun
Life with Dear is happy sometime yet sometime vex..
Both of us is consider stubborn type, we have our own views and tend to be persistent on it. It is difficult to change our thinking and tend to go into arguments often. Or rather is consider disagreement.
However I know Dear is trying hard to find ways to enable my future be more better. But with my current debt burden, there is nothing much for me to help in achieveing the goals.
In the past i wish that i would be able to find a partners that is willing to go to the extreme for my family and me. But as time goes by, it has shown that i do not have the luck to enjoy the life of those born with silver spoon.
One person life is really predestined when born into this world.
I would wish nothing but that my future generation be able to enjoy the life that i aspire to have but unable to attain.
And also in my next life i wish i would be able to enjoy fame, glory & wealth.
Both of us is consider stubborn type, we have our own views and tend to be persistent on it. It is difficult to change our thinking and tend to go into arguments often. Or rather is consider disagreement.
However I know Dear is trying hard to find ways to enable my future be more better. But with my current debt burden, there is nothing much for me to help in achieveing the goals.
In the past i wish that i would be able to find a partners that is willing to go to the extreme for my family and me. But as time goes by, it has shown that i do not have the luck to enjoy the life of those born with silver spoon.
One person life is really predestined when born into this world.
I would wish nothing but that my future generation be able to enjoy the life that i aspire to have but unable to attain.
And also in my next life i wish i would be able to enjoy fame, glory & wealth.
Congratulation
Times fly and it has been 1year plus since we last contact. Went lunch with Ah doi on saturday & heard a shocking news.
He is getting marry next month March. Surprise? A bit.. Can anyone imagine being treated like a subsitute and now hearing the news that he is getting marry?
Finally after years of their relationship, they are finally settling down. The news is surprise to me however it does not really affect me much. Probably it is time that wash it away. Fading memories..
What i can do now is only to give my sincere greeting to them..
*Wish both of you a blessful wonderful marriage* Congratulation.
He is getting marry next month March. Surprise? A bit.. Can anyone imagine being treated like a subsitute and now hearing the news that he is getting marry?
Finally after years of their relationship, they are finally settling down. The news is surprise to me however it does not really affect me much. Probably it is time that wash it away. Fading memories..
What i can do now is only to give my sincere greeting to them..
*Wish both of you a blessful wonderful marriage* Congratulation.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Numb..Vexed..Fedup
Its has been 4 years since i start work after graduating from polytechnic. Ever since i graduate i knew i had to work hard to help solve family debts.
Giving up almost all my salary and wishes. Trying hard to solve the debts but till now nothing had been done successfully. Why??
After working for half a year.. i decide to pursue my degree.. However i wasn't able to complete my degree.. this is one my regrets.. Till now i wish to pursue my degree and wear the graduation gown however i am not sure if i am able to.
I has been trying hard to balance my life and clearing of debts. But it seems never ending to me. I am still unable to see the end to it. Prehaps i will really only be able to enjoy and have happy and better life after marriage. But marriage to me now is out of the topics. Without any saving, marriage to me is no way..
Expected to settle and start saving this year but was not able to till now. And fear that more debts will be coming my way really made me go berserk. Trying hard to control my feelings and emotion infront of everyone. It is really terrible...Is there any way that i can have a huge amount infront of me to clear my debts one and for all?
I am really feeling vexed, fedup and numb in my heart... Who can help me?
Giving up almost all my salary and wishes. Trying hard to solve the debts but till now nothing had been done successfully. Why??
After working for half a year.. i decide to pursue my degree.. However i wasn't able to complete my degree.. this is one my regrets.. Till now i wish to pursue my degree and wear the graduation gown however i am not sure if i am able to.
I has been trying hard to balance my life and clearing of debts. But it seems never ending to me. I am still unable to see the end to it. Prehaps i will really only be able to enjoy and have happy and better life after marriage. But marriage to me now is out of the topics. Without any saving, marriage to me is no way..
Expected to settle and start saving this year but was not able to till now. And fear that more debts will be coming my way really made me go berserk. Trying hard to control my feelings and emotion infront of everyone. It is really terrible...Is there any way that i can have a huge amount infront of me to clear my debts one and for all?
I am really feeling vexed, fedup and numb in my heart... Who can help me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)